


The Pains of Wishes Coming True.

by Daydreamer



Series: The Healing Of Hearts [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Male Slash, Medical, Organ Transplantation, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-14 04:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daydreamer/pseuds/Daydreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto is back from the hospital following his heart transplant. Depression wars with happiness as he heals physically, but slowly deteriorates mentally and emotionally while trying to keep his guilt from Sasuke so not to ruin his lover's happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kellerkind](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=kellerkind).



> Written on request from Kellerkind on ygallery. She wanted more in the hearts universe concerning Naruto's time directly after his heart transplant. This takes place directly following The Gift.

"Today's the day."

Naruto heaved a sigh of relief at Itachi's words. He'd been in the hospital for long enough that the walls seemed to be creeping in on him. Itachi had insisted on keeping him longer than normal because of how sick he had been when the heart had come and because he had been so hard to revive after the new heart was in place. Technically speaking, he had been clinically dead for several minutes while Itachi had coaxed the new heart into beating for the first time in his chest. He had no memory of it and was forced to take Itachi's word for it.

After two weeks under the constant surveillance of nurses and doctors, he was ready to leave, but Itachi refused to release him until he was one hundred percent certain that the heart was healing without complications. It had driven him insane, especially after he started feeling a lot better. He knew Sasuke was ready for him to be home as well considering that both of them squeezing onto the single hospital bed was starting to annoy the nurses when they came in at night to check his vitals. They insisted that the bed was only meant for Naruto, but it never failed that after the first couple of days following the surgery, Sasuke would crawl into bed with him and hold him tight against him. It was as if he were afraid that Naruto would slip away while he slept.

Naruto pushed back the thought and glared at Itachi. "It's about damn time. I seriously thought you were trying to keep me here forever."

"Don't try me. I can keep you here a few more days."

Naruto snorted and poked out his lip. "AMA, asshole."

Itachi merely arched a brow that practically screamed 'try me'. The man was so infuriating. He was a sadist for sure, though Naruto did have a sneaking suspicion that he might have a masochistic streak in him as well. Damn, but the thought was kinda sexy, even if it was accompanied by the thought of a dominatrix owning his ass. Then, the mental image of mild mannered Hinata popped in there and he couldn't help but grin at the thought of her being that dominatrix. One day, she was going to tap that ass. He was certain of that.

"You're thinking perverted thoughts, aren't you?"

Naruto blinked and glanced at the door where Sasuke stood with a cup of coffee and an arched brow. That man could read him like a book. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Actually, I'm not sure I would considering the look in your eye."

"Prude," mumbled Naruto before flopping back against the bed and turning pleading eyes to Itachi. "Let me out of here before you have to admit me to the psyche part of the hospital."

Itachi shook his head and handed Sasuke a print off. "Don't let him go to the first fast food place you see. He's still on a cardiac diet until his heart fully heals. Just because you've got a new ticker, doesn't mean you can go around doing whatever you please. It's going to take a while for the muscles to heal, not to mention the bones on your sternum where we had you split open on the table. Treat your body as if you had a heart attack. Keep the salt to a minimum, and feed him soft, easily digested food. You know the drill."

"You're serious?" A crestfallen look spread across Naruto's face. "I'm still stuck eating tasteless food?"

"Only until your heart fully heals, not to mention, no sex."

"What?"

Itachi gave a shrug. "Your heart isn't ready for it. You need to rest and keep exertions to a minimum until I give you the go ahead. You lasted this long, didn't you?"

"Damn it."

Sasuke chuckled and walked over to stroke a finger down Naruto's cheeks. "He'll do what he's supposed to."

"You're a lucky man to have Sasuke, Naruto, otherwise I'd keep you here until you healed because if I know you, you'd be camped out in the first burger joint you came to."

"Bastard," he grumbled.

"With that taken care of, I'll send the nurse in with all the required paperwork for your discharge. I'll be by to check on the two of you in a day or two." Itachi gave a smirk and wave before exiting the room, leaving behind an annoyed Naruto and a chuckling Sasuke. Naruto even went so far as to flick a rude gesture at Itachi's back.

"You let him rile you so much."

Naruto rolled his eyes in Sasuke's direction. "Can't help it. He pisses me off sometimes."

"I thought that was my line."

"I might have stolen it from you when Itachi became my somewhat brother."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and moved to the closet to begin packing their things while Naruto tapped his fingers impatiently on the bed. Those damn nurses weren't doing anything but gossiping at the nurse's station. The least they could do was hurry up and bring the paperwork so he could leave considering what they were paying the hospital for this extended stay.

"Are you seriously going to feed me that bland shit?"

"Yes."

"You're a bastard too," he said with a huff. "I don't know why I stay with you since you're a sadist that likes torturing me."

Sasuke settled on the bed at Naruto's hip and leaned forward to place a slow and gentle kiss on the pouting lips before pulling back with a smirk. "And yet you stay, what does that make you, I wonder?"

"I'm not a fucking masochist," he grumbled, though sometimes he wondered.

Sasuke tossed back his head and laughed before moving to the chair beside the bed and flipping through the channels on the television until he found CNN. Naruto never understood how Sasuke could stand to sit and watch the news as if it were entertainment. Then again, Sasuke wrote non-fiction books about history and actually seemed to enjoy it.

The minutes began to tick by. Their belongings were packed into a few bags beside the door. Naruto was about to tear out his hair in his impatience when a young nurse trotted in followed by a student nurse. 

"Well, Mr. Uzumaki, looks like you're leaving us."

"Hell yeah, I am." Naruto held out his hand and crooked his fingers for the paperwork. "Give me that stuff and show me where to sign."

"Did Dr. Uchiha tell you what to avoid after you leave?"

"Yeah, Yeah," mumbled Naruto as he signed his name absently on the lines marked with an 'X'. "He pretty much told me that I was going back to the hell of bad food and no fun."

"Well, you did just have major surgery. Taking it easy might not be a bad thing."

Naruto snorted and handed over the papers to the nurse. "I've been taking it easy for the last year—longer even. I'd like to live a little."

"You'll have to excuse Naruto. He has a bit of a character fault called impatience," said Sasuke rather dryly.

Naruto bared his teeth at Sasuke before looking pleadingly at the nurse. "Can I go now?"

The nurse chuckled and nodded to her student who exited the room and returned moments later with a wheelchair, causing Naruto's relieved expression to turn into a scowl. "I can't even walk out?"

"Hospital policy."

He heaved a long suffering sigh and settled in the chair while Sasuke grabbed their bags. Just being out of this place was a relief even if his mode of transportation had to be a wheelchair. A slow suffocation had been taking over. He wanted out of this place and to be back home where he felt the most at ease.

He lifted a hand to his chest and touched the bandaged covering the wound. Despite the skin having mostly healed, it still hurt like a bitch. Itachi had explained that the bone of the sternum needed to be cut and the ribs spread in order to have access to the heart. Bone of that density took more than a few days to heal. He was looking at several months of recovery.

"I'll go get the car," said Sasuke when they reached the entrance to the hospital.

Naruto closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air that brushed across his face. Freedom had never tasted so sweet. "This must be how a prisoner feels when he's let out."

The nursing student giggled behind her hand. "I'm not sure it's the same thing."

"Trust me; you haven't been confined to a bed for months. Hell, a few weeks ago, I couldn't walk to the bathroom by myself. Trust me, if you can find someone who will wipe your ass when you're sick, you know that it's love." Naruto watched as Sasuke drove Scarlett and parked her beneath the awning in front of them. Joy spread through him and he nearly leapt to his feet in excitement.

"There's my baby." He ignored the nursing student and Sasuke in favor of walking to the car and running his hands over the shiny red exterior. "Did you miss me, love? I certainly missed you. I'm sorry for ignoring you these past months. Never again."

"God, will you stop doing that. It's bad enough when you do it in private, but it's downright embarrassing when you do it in front of witnesses." Sasuke lifted a hand to his brow and shook his head in exasperation.

"Ignore him, baby. He doesn't understand our love."

Sasuke turned a long suffering eye to the nursing student. The girl looked torn between thinking Naruto insane and thinking him making a joke.

"Ignore him. He's a moron," said Sasuke with a bland smile.

"Please take care of yourself." The student gave a small smile before taking the empty wheelchair back into the hospital.

"You really are a moron," grumbled Sasuke.

Naruto shot his lover a grin and slid happily into the passenger seat. He would have rather driven Scarlett, but he was feeling a bit wiped. The excitement of leaving and the pain in his sternum was sapping what little strength he had gained upon receiving the new heart. He decided not to push his luck too far. There would be plenty of time to drive Scarlett later after he recovered his stamina.

The cool jazz that Sasuke played filled the car and Naruto sighed happily as he burrowed back into the comfortable leather seats. He hadn't realized he had dozed off until he felt Sasuke gently shaking his shoulder. "We're home."

Prying open his eyes, he stared at the parking garage. Reaching forward to rub a hand on Scarlett's dash, he mumbled an apology to the car. "I'm sorry, baby. I fell asleep on you."

"Seriously, stop that." Sasuke scowled at the car. "If you keep that up, I'm selling it."

"It's a her and you wouldn't dare." 

There was a tick beside Sasuke's eye. "Try me."

Naruto stuck out his tongue and opened the door to the car. He knew Sasuke was bluffing, but decided it was smarter not to poke the snake least he end up getting bit on the ass.

Home had never looked so good as they rode the elevator up to their floor. Walking into their apartment brought tears to his eyes. A thick lump formed in his throat and he nearly choked on it as he stumbled over the threshold. If Sasuke had not been there to grab him, he might have fallen.

"Are you alright?"

He couldn't ignore the worry in Sasuke's voice, but at the same time, he couldn't speak. There were no words to describe what it felt like to be stepping into the place that felt more like home than any place he could remember living in. He had silently said goodbye to the place as they left for the hospital that last time, and yet now he was being welcomed back after an extended absence. The feeling was quite potent and equally painful.

Turning to face Sasuke, he stared at him through tear filled eyes. He had been prepared to die, but Sasuke had kept him attached to the world of the living. Sasuke was his reason for living. He had wanted to deny Itachi's words that Sasuke would join him if he died, but he knew it was true. His belief that Sasuke was strong enough to carry on was only him fooling himself. They were both too codependent on each other to survive alone again.

"Naruto?"

Naruto shook his head and buried his face in Sasuke's chest. "I'm okay. I'm just happy to be home again."

Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto and held him close in the doorway of the apartment. "I'm happy you're home again too. You had me worried there for a while."

"Yeah. I know." Naruto pressed his face even tighter against Sasuke's neck and released a full body shudder.

His body went limp and if not for Sasuke holding him, he probably would have sunk to the floor. The arms around him felt so warm and he welcomed them. Thinking about Sasuke allowed him to focus on something other than the niggling thoughts that had plagued his mind since the surgery. He didn't want to linger on them, least he be forced to face them.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Naruto nodded his face against Sasuke's neck. "I'm just tired."

Fleeing the hospital and then the emotional upheaval at being home was taking its toll on him. He was happy when Sasuke helped him to the bedroom and settled him on his side of the bed. Immediately, he reached for Sasuke's pillow and nuzzled his face into the soft material. Almost instantly, he frowned and pulled back. He could smell Sasuke, but not as potently as he should have. It took a minute to realize that Sasuke probably hadn't slept in the bed since he was placed in the hospital.

"Rest up; I'm going to run to the pharmacy to fill your prescriptions."

"Get me a cheeseburger while you're out."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and gave Naruto a playful shove. "In your dreams, Uzumaki. You won't be eating any fast food until Itachi gives the okay."

"Bastard," he grumbled playfully before drifting off, vaguely hearing Sasuke set his phone on the bedside before exiting the room.

**oOo**

Naruto's eyes shot open and he cried out, pressing a hand to his racing heart. "Sasuke!"

The bedroom door flew open and Sasuke rushed inside. "What happened? Is it your heart?"

Naruto nodded and began to shake. Was he rejecting it? Itachi would have noticed something before he released him, wouldn't he?

"I'm calling Itachi."

Naruto swallowed the lump in his throat and felt his heart begin to slow its beats. "Wait, it's alright. I think it was just a dream. Maybe I was running a marathon in it."

Sasuke looked unconvinced but lowered his phone. "Yeah, right. You actually training for a marathon? I'll believe that when I see it."

"I bet you I could."

Sasuke shook his head. "I have no doubt you can do anything you put your mind to, I just think you're a little too lazy to do it."

Naruto snorted and stuck out his tongue. "Just you watch. As soon as I get the clear from Itachi, I'm going to run a marathon."

Sasuke chuckled and stroked a finger down Naruto's cheek. "When Itachi gives you the go ahead, I'll run beside you. Now, do you want to eat dinner in bed, or at the table?"

"I've had enough of eating in bed." Naruto slid his feet from the bed and stood, a wave of mild dizziness making him sway lightly on his feet before he regained his equilibrium. To hell with a marathon, he just wanted to be able to walk from the bed to the dining table without passing out.

As he followed Sasuke into the living room, he noticed a pharmacy bag on the table. He opened up the bag and gave a small whine at a familiar pill bottle filled with diuretics. "Seriously, does Itachi want me to pee out my very soul?"

"He said it was just for a few weeks. Don't complain. You're not dying."

Naruto waved the bottle of his anti-rejection medication. "If I missed a dose of this I could."

"I'll be here to make sure you don't miss a dose."

Naruto tossed the bottles back in the bag and plopped down in his seat at the table. "I thought when I got a new heart, I would have less medication. I'm still taking the same shit, plus anti-rejections. I didn't lower my meds, I upped them."

"There are times I think you like complaining," commented Sasuke as he sat a large pot of soup on the table followed by Naruto's salt replacement.

"At least you're a damn good cook, is all I can say." Naruto accepted the bowl from his lover and dipped his spoon inside, bringing it to his lips and sipping the savory broth. He had to admit, eating healthy and low sodium wasn't so bad when Sasuke was there to cook for him. It didn't compare to a greasy hamburger from some random dive, but it wasn't bad as far as food went. He added a bit of the salt substitute before tasting again.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Well duh, that's what it was."

They both knew Sasuke liked eating good food as much as Naruto, but refused to eat whatever he wanted when Naruto could not. Both had been on the same diet since Naruto began going into congestive heart failure. It was definitely a show of love that Sasuke suffered through the illness nearly as much as him. Sasuke had begun researching recipes and practicing them until even the healthiest of meals lost its bland taste and was actually good.

"How is it? I haven't cooked since you went in the hospital."

"It's not a hamburger, if that's what you mean," commented Naruto dryly.

"Stop bitching. In a few weeks, you can have some greasy food."

"Only some?"

Sasuke arched a brow at Naruto. "Don't push your luck."

Naruto sighed dramatically and the remainder of the meal was completed in silence. Afterwards, he settled on the sofa to watch some movie that was playing on HBO. Sasuke joined him after clearing the dishes and settled behind him on the wide sofa, curling his body around him.

It was nice to absorb Sasuke's warmth but when his hand wandered over where his chest still sported a bandage, he flinched. 

"Does it hurt?"

Naruto shrugged. "It aches a little."

"You can have a pain pill if you need it, or a baby aspirin."

"It's fine, just a little tender."

"I'll be careful."

Naruto bit his lip and stared blindly at the television. He felt Sasuke's breath warm on the back of his neck and nearly cried at the sweetness of the moment, tainted by the thoughts he had been trying so hard to tamp down and hide from Sasuke. Sasuke was so good to him; it would kill him if he knew that his touch near the scar caused a wash of cold to work through his bloodstream. 

He suddenly felt so very unworthy of everything. Sasuke. Living. The heart. Nothing was as he thought it would be and hiding what he felt was more draining than he could have thought. He wanted to live, but it didn't feel right. The heart in his chest was a foreign object that beat evenly and ached occasionally where it was healing from the trauma of the surgery.

Closing his eyes, he felt the tears leak out and trail down his cheek. He knew from the rhythm of Sasuke's breath that he was asleep. Living at the hospital had worn him down just as much as the illness and surgery had wiped out Naruto.

At first, when he woke up in the intensive care unit to see Sasuke's beautiful eyes, he thought he must be in heaven, that was, until the pain meds wore off. Regardless of the pain, he was so happy. He had a heart—a slightly used, but completely healthy heart. Anything was better than the piece of shit heart he had lived with for so long.

Everything was great.

And then he met Tsume Inuzuka.

He was grateful to have met her and he appreciated her gift of the heart that he so desperately needed, but when the adrenaline left and he was in the silence of his hospital room, it really sunk in that someone died so that he could live. He knew Sasuke had prayed for someone to die while they waited for Naruto to receive a heart, and that made him sick to his stomach because he had wished for it as well. He had hoped that someone with his blood type and a tissue match would die in some accident so he would not have to leave Sasuke.

He was truly lying to himself as he lay dying when he said he was okay with death and ready to embrace it. The truth of the matter was that he wanted to live. He had held on as long as humanly possible and a heart came to them. 

He didn't want to be ungrateful, but it still ate away at him. Someone had died, and he had been happy. It went against every molecule in his body. He bore the scar to prove what he had wished for had come true. It was a hideous reminder of the sort of person he really was underneath the happy smiles. Why was he happy when a mother and sister were still grieving for the loss of their son? Why was he happy that someone had died?

He lifted a hand to his cheeks and wiped at the tears. If Sasuke saw them, he would likely panic. Behind him, Sasuke made a snuffling sound and rubbed his nose against the nape of his neck.

Naruto froze, afraid that Sasuke would wake up and see the wetness on his face or the redness in his eyes. His bastard of a lover was far too perceptive for his own good. He would know something was up and latch on like a bulldog until he got what he wanted.

That left only one choice for Naruto. He would have to hide what he felt from Sasuke, if he could. Sasuke deserved to be happy, and the light he saw in his eyes today was real. And, he couldn't bear to take that light from him.

For the longest time after the tears stopped, he lay there waiting until he was sure the redness in his eyes was gone and any puffiness could be attributed to sleepiness. "Hey, sleepyhead, if you're going to go to sleep, let's move this to the bed. I don't fancy falling off the couch when you start tossing and turning."

Sasuke blinked up at him dumbly before shifting into a sitting position. "I guess I was tired."

"We'll, let's go to bed."

With a drowsy nod, Sasuke stood and tugged Naruto to his feet. They made their way to the bedroom and almost instantly upon settling into the bed, Sasuke was in his familiar position of curling behind Naruto. Normally, he would sleep with his head on Naruto's chest, but as the surgical site was still healing, he took to wrapping Naruto in his arms and sleeping with his face buried in the nape of his neck.

"I'm so happy," murmured Sasuke against his neck.

"Me too," answered Naruto, though it was more of a half-truth than a full admittance.

"When Itachi gives the okay, I'm going to take you to the Caribbean like I promised." Sasuke's voice grew slurred as sleep tugged at him. "It's so nice there. I told you about how Itachi and I used to spend several weeks during the summer there with our parents."

"Yeah."

"You'll like it..."

Naruto knew Sasuke had fallen asleep when his breaths deepened and he began snoring lightly. Sleep, however, did not come so easily for him as it did for Sasuke. His mind was still filled with a buzz of uncontrollable thoughts. Just when he gained control over them, he would shift and an ache would shoot up his chest, reminding him once more of the burden he now bore.

A small sigh escaped him and he wondered if he would ever be able to look himself in the mirror again. That thought circled through his mind until finally exhaustion took a grip on him and forced him into sleep, fitful though it was. He wanted to say things would look better in the morning, but he wasn't so sure about that any more.

To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto groaned and rolled closer to the warmth of the body next to him. Sasuke was always so warm, exuding heat like the healthy animal that he is. Just being beside him in bed was like having a personal bed warmer and in the winter, it was a godsend. As he became sicker over the last few months, his body began to have trouble maintaining a steady temperature so cuddling with Sasuke served a larger purpose than simply pleasure, though the comfort he received from it was a welcome gift. Now that he was on the road to recovery, he could curl against him and bask in Sasuke, not just the warmth he provided. 

It was nice. For just a little while, he could forget about a mother's tears and the death that made his life possible. For just a little while, he could be normal and forget the ache in his breast from the surgical scar and his still healing sternum. For just a little while...

Sasuke gave a muttered moan and shifted where he lay so that he pressed more fully against him beneath the weight of the covers. Sasuke's warm chest pressed against his back and as hips moved closer until a distinctive bulge ground into his ass. He would have to be dead not to recognize morning wood when he felt it. There was many a morning when that particular biological normality encouraged a quick romp before the day fully began.

"Naruto," mumbled Sasuke as his hips began grinding lightly against his ass.

It felt nice and his heart picked up beat as sleep fully faded from him. And that scared him. Itachi had said no sex, and sex was not simply intercourse. He'd never had an issue with his ass and dick, so that meant it was his heart that he had to take care with concerning sex this soon after the transplant. Or, at least he was pretty sure it was meant as a warning against any sort of strenuous activities until the heart fully healed from the ordeal of being implanted in a foreign chest.

But God, he wanted to press back. Sex was always the best way at forgetting about the world and living in the blissfully mind-numbing satisfaction of an orgasm. If he was not allowed that pleasure, then he would be stuck in the current reality of becoming aroused with no relief in sight while Sasuke ground with increasing pressure against his ass.

"Sasuke, wake up."

He didn't want to wake him up fully. It would break the moment and bring his lover into reality with him. At least Sasuke would be allowed relief while only waiting for his hard-on to go away on its own was in Naruto's future. Damn, sometimes he hated Itachi and his fucked up rules. Even if it was for his own health, he still hated them.

"Naruto?" Sasuke sat up, eyes more closed than open. His hair was disheveled and he looked like a little boy just waking up...a little boy with a boner hard enough to plow a field with, but a little boy all the same. It was cute. Sasuke in the morning was definitely cute and cuddly and if this was a normal morning, that cuteness would be a definite turn on, but the lack of a release option was most definitely a buzz kill.

"It's morning."

Sasuke rolled his eyes closed and rolled onto his back. "Why did you wake me up? It's not like either of us have a nine to five job."

Not feeling up to complaining about the boner that had been digging into his ass two minutes prior, he simply flopped down beside him and sighed. "I'm hungry."

Sasuke popped open one eye and stared at Naruto. "Seriously?"

"Hey, I'm the invalid here. Go fix me some food, woman."

A small smirk followed the arching of a dark brow and Sasuke turned on his side to stare at him. "Once you're healed up, I'll show you who's a woman."

A heaved, exaggerated sigh escaped Naruto's lips. "Promises, promises."

Sasuke grinned wickedly before performing a full body stretch, the sheet sliding down his hips and pooling low enough for Naruto to see the trail of hair above his navel before it disappeared into the material of his boxers. That asshole knew he looked damn sexy. A hooded look spread across his face while he stared longingly at Naruto before sighing and rising from the bed. "I'll take a shower then fix you something."

He might not have been a genius, but even Naruto knew that was code for 'I'm going to go beat off in the shower before I go fix something for us to eat'. If not for his understanding of the workings of morning wood, he might have been angry. He understood and it pissed him off that he couldn't join Sasuke in the shower, but he understood. They were both men with needs. Both of them shouldn't suffer just because one of them was forbidden from sexual pleasure, and sex with Sasuke would definitely not be mild going, not with all things considered and if he could be allowed to keep the bandage on his chest to hide the scar he would be able to forget.

Damn Itachi to Hell. He was certain there was a special place already waiting for that bastard.

The bathroom door closed with a gentle snap and soon the sound of running water was muffled through the wood. The barrier of a wall and the sound of water prevented any sound of Sasuke's pleasure, but Naruto's imagination and memory were both in perfect working order. He was already imagining the sounds that would be pulled from Sasuke. His lover was not exactly the stoic sort when it came to sex. He wasn't a screamer, but he definitely made some very nice sex sounds.

Closing his eyes, Naruto continued to lie on the bed. He ached all over, mainly in his chest. At least it was a good sort of ache, one that meant he was healing.

He brought a hand up to touch his chest where the white bandage covered him from collarbone to diaphragm. A shudder worked through him and he fought back the cringe as the one memory that seemed ingrained into his brain was relived in almost slow motion. Tsume Inuzuka wept against his chest as she listened to her son's heart beat steadily in his chest.

Maybe coming to see them had helped her and her daughter come to terms with her son's death, but it did nothing for Naruto other than make the guilt eat away at him. It compounded on him every day. He knew there was no fault on his part for the donor's death, but that did not make it easier knowing that someone died for him to live.

Survivor's guilt is what Itachi called it. He explained that it was completely normal and would pass in a few weeks. He was not sure he believed him. The feeling of guilt felt too strong to fade in a matter of weeks. That Itachi brushed it aside did little to comfort him.

"Are you feeling bad, Naruto?"

Naruto's eyes fluttered open and he stared at Sasuke looking delicious and slightly damp from the shower, with that typical sated look on his face that caused his eyes to become just the slightest bit hooded. "I'm fine. I was waiting for breakfast in bed."

"You're trying to milk this, aren't you?"

Naruto grinned and shrugged. "You know me."

"Sometimes I wonder. And here I thought you were tired of being an invalid," retorted Sasuke as he bent down to place a kiss on Naruto's lips.

He tasted like mint from toothpaste and Naruto sank into the kiss, not bothered by the fact that he still had morning breath. If Sasuke didn't mind, he didn't either. "A guy can change is mind, can't he?"

Sasuke snorted and pulled away. "Come in the kitchen when you finally drag yourself out of bed. I'll have breakfast waiting on you."

Naruto pouted and flopped back on the bed. "You're a harsh task master."

"You need to start building back up your strength. You were on bed rest for quite a while." 

Sasuke gave Naruto one last peck before pulling on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. As he exited the bedroom, Naruto heaved a sigh of relief. It was hard to keep up a happy face around Sasuke. That man was far too insightful for his own good. Seeing as Sasuke was barely a step from being a full out nerd, he could understand. Nerds tended to be good at people watching and catching the small things.

He would have to be diligent if he wanted to keep Sasuke from worrying. His lover had worried enough and deserved a break from it. It was something Naruto had to deal with anyway.

With that in mind, he dragged himself from the bed and set about pulling on a pair of loose pants and walked slowly into the bathroom. He went about brushing away the foul taste from his teeth and tongue. As he spit the foam from his mouth and looked at himself in the mirror, he could not mask a cringe at the sight. If he wanted to be honest with himself, he looked like shit. There were deep shadows beneath his eyes and his cheeks had a sunken look. At least there was color in his cheeks. Towards the end of his bout with heart failure, he had looked more like a ghost than a living, breathing human. It was hard to believe at the time that the pasty shadow staring back at him was himself. 

His eyes continued to travel over his body, stopping on the bandage, a stark white against his skin. A sudden urge hit him and he could not stop himself from lifting a hand to where the tape secured the bandage to his chest. With a furtive glance toward the open door, he carefully pried the thick bandage tape from his chest, wincing as the clear tape pulled at his skin and the baby fine hairs found there. They obviously did not want the bandage coming free easily.

With slow inching movements, he tugged the bandage down and revealed what he had until that moment avoided looking at unless he could help it. When the nurses changed his bandages during his hospital stay, he kept his eyes elsewhere. He did not want to see it, and yet now he was willingly doing so.

What was revealed to him was a bright pink wound stapled together, barely formed scabs and dried blood visible between the strips of metal. Bruised skin stood out a dull yellow around the wound, showing the bruises almost healed from the assault he received during the surgery. It had looked far worse and recalled the first changing of the bandage done by Itachi. The horrified look on Sasuke's face was enough to make him cringe. Itachi had made quick work of explaining that surgery of that sort left bruises, but that they would disappear completely within two or three weeks.

"Damn," he muttered and poked at a bit of yellow skin. It wasn't tender until he drew closer to the stapled skin. The flesh was mostly healed and Itachi would likely remove the metal staples during his next visit.

Staring at the line marked with shiny metal bars, he could only think of one thing. Ugly, hideous even. He looked like Dr. Frankenstein had gotten ahold of him and was holding his body together with archaic means. He had an organ in him that was not his own. Maybe thinking himself like a movie monster was not such a stretch after all. Sudden, and perhaps a bit irrational, fear raced through his bloodstream. Was Sasuke bothered by this? He never gave any indication, but he was always good at masking his emotions, much better than Naruto.

"Naruto, what are you doing in there? I called you for breakfast."

Sasuke strolled into the bathroom with barely a care, just as he normally did. Naruto almost slapped himself for getting lost in his thoughts. He turned slowly to stare at his lover, only to find him looking interestedly at the scar running darkly down his chest.

"It's looking better, and the bruises are starting to fade. I admit, I was a bit shocked at first that they were so rough with you." Sasuke approached and traced a gentle finger over one of the larger splotches of yellow. "I wanted to beat Itachi bloody for making you look like you had been on the losing end of a street fight."

"You wouldn't know a street fight if you walked into the middle of one," joked Naruto in an effort to draw attention away from the wounds on his chest.

"Smart ass," growled Sasuke playfully. "I'll have you know that I was quite the rebel during my high school days."

He had to roll his eyes at that. Sasuke...a rebel? That was the biggest load of bullshit that he had ever heard unless Sasuke's sort of rebelling meant ditching the loafers for a pair of Keds. What could he say, he was in love with a nerd...a sexy nerd, but still a nerd.

"I saw that eye roll."

Naruto sighed, grateful to have diverted talk of his heart or the surgery. Instead, he grabbed the fresh bandage and bacitracin from the shelf and handed them to Sasuke, biting back the instant rush of nausea that came with the thought of him touching the ugly thing. "Help me bandage it, please."

Sasuke smiled, a spark of happiness rising in his eyes. He washed his hands and then set about rubbing the antibacterial ointment along the surgical line and then carefully covered it with a fresh bandage. The attention ached a little, but the major pain was much deeper in the bone and even that was dulled with medication and the slow healing process. He would need to intake a lot of calcium rich foods over the next few weeks. He would have cheered at the thought of milk, cheese, and ice cream, but Sasuke's idea of calcium rich food would be kale, broccoli, and spinach. He sighed again.

Sasuke gave him a poke to his brow. "You're thinking really hard there. Do I want to know what's going on in that brain of yours?"

"If you must know, I'm thinking how you're going to try and turn me into some crazy vegan."

With a roll of his eyes, Sasuke finished covering the wound and turned on his heel. "Just for that, I won't let you have your surprise."

"What surprise?" Naruto followed as quickly as he could into the kitchen. There on the counter was a bag of delivered bagels and real cream cheese. "Oh shit!"

"I called it in from the deli down the street. I figured one day of splurging wouldn't hurt you. Just don't tell Itachi."

"Fuck Itachi." Naruto grabbed a bagel and almost groaned at the soft doughy texture. "Oh god, they're fresh."

Sasuke chuckled and poured Naruto a glass of juice before handing him a small container of cream cheese. To say he was in heaven was an understatement. He could not recall the last time he had eaten a bagel. They weren't exactly the best thing in the world, but considering his diet during the past few months, they might as well have been. He practically groaned as his teeth sunk into the soft texture. 

"God, it's better than sex."

Sasuke gave a small snort. "I take offense to that."

"I meant sex in general, not sex with you, because sex with you is its own category. There is sex and then there is Sasuke sex."

"Just shut up and eat your breakfast." Sasuke threw a napkin at Naruto and then set about spreading jam on his bagel. The remainder of breakfast was completed in silence, marred only by the happy sounds that Naruto made every so often while eating what had to be the best tasting bagel ever.

Sasuke left Naruto to finish the last few bites of his breakfast before returning several moments later with several pills in hand. He instantly recognized the diuretic and groaned but accepted his medication with as much grace as he could manage. The anti-rejection drugs kept his body from rejecting the foreign organ and Itachi promised that he would consider taking him off the diuretics in a few weeks after the healing was complete. That day could not come soon enough. Pissing more often than a pregnant woman was not a fun thing.

"I thought we might head down to the park and walk around. The fresh air will be good for you."

Naruto nodded and finished off his juice. He was glad that Sasuke did not mention that he was only able to finish a little over half of his bagel. They were assured before release that Naruto's appetite would return with time, but he wondered how much of his lack of appetite was related to the depression that he felt simmering just beneath the surface.

As Naruto pulled on some jeans and a light sweater, Sasuke dressed in a pair of dark slacks and a thin gray turtleneck. It was nothing fancy, but he could not deny that his lover looked sexy as hell. Even if the thought of Sasuke seeing or touching the scar on his chest caused his stomach to churn and threaten to expel his breakfast, he still wanted Sasuke and was proud that they belonged to each other.

"Ready?"

Sasuke linked their fingers and they walked hand in hand out onto the sidewalk. The morning air was crisp, but not bitterly so, as it nipped at their cheeks. The stroll to the park was barely a block and soon there were amid the little touch of nature in the middle of a large city.

"This is nice," he muttered, not to anyone in particular.

"Yeah, I missed this." Sasuke leaned over and gave Naruto's cheek a small nuzzle before guiding them down a familiar path. Before Naruto became sick, they would stroll through the park regularly. Many of the joggers and the occasional vender knew them on sight.

But, it was not like before now. He felt almost out of breath and his legs had begun to tremble. It was almost pitiful how quickly he tired, and they were forced to take respite on a bench near a children's playground. Already nannies and mothers were about with toddlers and small children, letting them burn their excess energy off on the slides and jungle gyms. A stray thought shot into his mind at the sight of a little dark headed boy with messy hair.

"Have you ever thought about kids?" He had uttered the question before even considering the words coming from his mouth.

Sasuke started and glanced him, first with surprise and then with a guarded expression. "Kids?"

The can of worms was already opened, no point in stopping now. "Yeah, you know, miniature versions of adults."

"I know what kids are, moron," grumbled Sasuke before turning his gaze back to the playground.

The subject of children had never really come up between them. That looming threat of Naruto's eventual demise always seemed to take precedence in their lives and now with that particular darkness gone, missing aspects of their lives could be addressed. It was strange, he had always wanted children in his life, but never thought he would have any. Being a gay man did not exactly endear him to social services, not to mention his weak heart. For a brief moment, he thought of having a child in their life and the depression that was always in the back of his mind faded.

"Then, have you ever wanted any?"

"What brought this on?"

Naruto gave Sasuke's shoulder a little shove. "Just answer the question."

Sasuke sighed and shrugged. "I never really thought about it. I've never had a long term partner before so having a child was never really a plausible option before now."

"But do you want them?"

Sasuke shook his head and chuckled. "Maybe one day."

Naruto nodded and leaned his head on Sasuke's shoulder. "Yeah, one day."

Maybe by that time, he could come to terms with this darkness that seemed to be festering inside him. There was no way he would bring a child into his life until he found a way to be healthy in more than just body. He prayed that Itachi was right and that this feeling of depression and guilt would fade with time. Sasuke would make a great father. He would be stern, but fair. Naruto could almost see a little girl with dark hair having both her Daddies wrapped around her delicate little fingers or a curious little boy getting into everything and then turning innocent eyes on his parents when he was caught breaking the rules.

"You're thinking hard."

Naruto grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "You know I'm more than just a sexy body."

"Keep telling yourself that," snorted Sasuke.

A chuckle rumbled from Naruto's chest. It hurt a little, but it felt good too. It was like he was in this little bubble created around them, away from the remainder of the world and all his worries.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah, a little." As much as he hated to admit it, he was exhausted. This short walk had wiped him out. The rest on the bench had given him just enough energy to make it back to the apartment, or at least he hoped so.

They took their time walking back so not to push Naruto's endurance. Such a short distance never seemed so long and he groaned in relief when they reached their building.

"Damn. I hate when Itachi's right." Naruto could not believe how bad his stamina had gotten. He probably couldn't have sex even if he wanted to. Falling asleep on Sasuke during the act was not an option he wanted to dwell on.

"You want something to eat?"

Naruto shook his head and lowered himself slowly to the black leather sofa with its bright orange pillows. Every time he saw them, he giggled. Grabbing one, he hugged it to his chest.

Pain shot outward from his sternum and he released a yelp. He could have slapped himself for forgetting that his chest was still healing.

Sasuke came out of the kitchen with a concerned expression. "Naruto?"

"I'm fine, just wasn't as careful as I should have been."

"You sure?"

A spark of anger was roused in him at the questioning tone. "Yeah, I'm sure. I know when my body is at its limits. I'm not stupid."

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly at his snapped response. Naruto immediately regretted it and brushed past Sasuke and into their bedroom. He was planning on locking himself in the bathroom, but his weakened body worked against him and immediately he was wrapped in warm arms.

"What's wrong?"

Naruto stiffened and fought the urge to struggle. God, he hated this. He hated how he felt and how Sasuke was so wonderful and had stayed by his side through it all, only to be left with someone like him—scarred both physically and emotionally. Why was it so hard for him to make it through this? Why did he feel like he should have died in the hospital?

"Naruto?"

"I'm just tired and my chest hurts."

Sasuke stiffened behind him. "Your heart?"

Naruto couldn't stop the mirthless laugh. "That's the one part of me that doesn't hurt."

At least not physically, he added mentally.

"Would you like one of your pills for the pain?"

Naruto nodded and pulled away, sinking to the bed while Sasuke left to fetch the medication. It was so hard holding back part of himself from Sasuke, but he was too afraid to let him see everything. Sasuke would not leave, but he would hurt along with him, and he did not want that for his lover. Sasuke was his oasis in all this emotional turmoil that he fought to weather.

Two white pills were placed in his hand and concerned eyes watched as he downed them. "Do you want to take a shower? Itachi said it was okay now that your skin has mostly healed."

The word shower perked him up. He had forgotten about bathing after he came home from the hospital yesterday. As much as he enjoyed sponge baths given by Sasuke, a shower sounded so much more enticing.

Sasuke gathered the towels while Naruto adjusted the water temperature. With careful peeling back of the tape, the wound on Naruto's chest was freed from its bandage. He winced as Sasuke stared at his chest with a soft expression.

"Are we bathing, or are you going to stare at my sexiness all night?"

Sasuke met Naruto's eyes and smirked. "Both."

Naruto moved away and stepped into the shower, almost groaning at the pleasure of feeling water running over his entire body. This shower was the second thing of Sasuke's that he fell in love with, the first being Scarlet. Water poured down over him in a heavy shower, washing away the sweat and dried blood. The white tiles showed a bit of pink as the old blood from the scar was washed from his body.

"Feel good?"

"Heaven," he answered and leaned willingly against the slick skin of Sasuke's chest.

Hands reached for a soft sponge and began dragging it across his skin. He moaned a little and went limp at the pure heaven the touch brought him. He had missed their shared showers—a small act of intimacy between them that had stopped when he became too sick to stand.

Shampoo was squirted on his head and then strong hands moved from his body to his hair where they massaged and relaxed him. The strong fingers found every pressure point on his scalp and stimulated them until Naruto was practically boneless, barely able to remain aloft under the assault. Small whimpers and groans escaped him as his mind wandered.

What pulled him back into reality was the press of a hard erection against his ass. He whimpered and pressed back, earning him a groan from deep within Sasuke's chest. His own body was helpless and responded on pure instinct. He was willing to throw Itachi's orders into the wind because he felt so good at that moment and Sasuke pressed to his back felt even better.

Until Sasuke's hand darted around his chest and traced the newly formed scar.

Revulsion and disgust replaced what had once been delightful pleasure. Naruto jerked away and shook his head. "Itachi said not to do anything until he gave the go ahead."

Sasuke looked disappointed. "Since when do you listen to Itachi?"

"Well, I figure he knows what he's talking about and I don't want to screw up anything with this baby. We waited this long, what's a few more weeks."

A sigh escaped Sasuke and he nodded, remaining in the shower after Naruto left the bathroom. Naruto closed his eyes and fought back the distress. This mark on his chest, it represented someone's death and Sasuke touched it as if it was a mark to be treasured. Naruto smeared the ointment on the injury and quickly bandaged it before Sasuke finished up his shower.

He moved into the living room and flipped on the television, more for the noise than any interest in what was being played out on the screen. He heard Sasuke in the bedroom and then felt the warmth of his body against him. Even Sasuke could not ward away the faint chill that took root in Naruto's chest at the thought of the scar on his chest being visible to others.

He leaned his head on Sasuke's shoulder and pushed a contented expression onto his face despite the enteral battle that continued to be waged. "I love you."

Sasuke smiled and dipped his head to kiss Naruto's lips. "Me, too."

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of the same, Naruto unable to come to grips with his survivor's guilt. Enjoy


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto walked into Itachi's office with Sasuke at his side. Hinata was on her feet and wrapping her arms around him the moment she saw him. He winced at the strength of her grip and patted her back in a comforting gesture. Her gaze softened as she pulled back and stared at his face with relief.

"I'm so glad you're on the mend, Naruto. I was worried."

"You and me both," he said with a light-hearted laugh and a smile that did not quite reach his eyes. 

His stomach was still in knots over the dark red scar on his chest. It had gotten progressively harder to look at it as the days passed. He didn't know what was wrong with him. It was just a scar and scars had never bothered him beforoe. Even Sasuke looking at it was a painful experience. He even went so far as to avoid showers with him; and no longer allowed him to touch the mark, or even look at it. If Sasuke noticed a change in his attitude, he never said anything and for now, he was happy to keep things that way.

"Itachi told me he was removing your staples today. I bet you're glad."

Naruto nodded and rubbed at his chest. "Yeah, I'm ready to get them out. The scar itches like a bitch."

Itachi had offered to come to the apartment. Apparently as daunting as the little pieces of metal looked, they were fairly simple to remove. A special grasping device was all that was needed and it could easily be brought to the house. But, Naruto wanted to talk with Itachi and doing so in the apartment was not the easiest thing to keep from Sasuke. The man had the ears of a bat.

"Make sure you don't pick at the scabs," she said with a gentle smile. "It could cause you to get an infection and that is something you definitely don't need."

He smiled in acknowledgement. She was almost motherly to him. It was nice on most days, but today he was living on a bit of a short fuse. Just getting up this morning had taken a chore. Hiding his depression from Sasuke was taking its toll on him. He needed to find something to fixate on other than the dark red mark running down his chest and the beating heart that was not completely his own.

"You can go on back to the exam room. Itachi made sure that you were his only appointment today."

"You can wait here if you want, Sasuke."

Sasuke paused and stared at Naruto, a slight tightening of his lips was the only sign he gave of being unsure how to answer him. "Do you want me to stay out here?"

Naruto shrugged and grinned. "I just wanted to give you options. I know you get bored easy."

"I think you're confusing me with you."

Naruto's smile widened. "Maybe. You get bored easily too."

Sasuke watched him intently for several moments before finally nodding. "I'll wait out here for now and let you have your alone time with my brother."

"Aren't you the least bit jealous of Itachi?" Naruto gave Sasuke's shoulder a bit of a poke. "I mean, he's got Uchiha genes so he's naturally good looking. Uchiha personalities leave a bit to be desired, but I can work with it."

"Is that the only reason you're with me? Because of my looks?"

Naruto's lips creased in an impish grin. "Maybe."

"Go on back there before I smack you."

"You wouldn't hit a sick man, would you?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned to a seat in the waiting area. "The only place you're sick is in the head."

Naruto relaxed at Sasuke nonchalant attitude. His partner could read him so well. He was glad Sasuke was not fighting him about staying in the waiting room. Speaking with Itachi would be easier if they were alone.

He sent a final smile to Hinata. It wasn't hard to miss the longing glances she sent toward Itachi's closed office door when she thought no one was looking. After nearly making a career of standing on the sidelines watching people, he had learned a thing or two about reading people. If those two ever got together, there would be some definite fireworks exploding. At least thinking about Itachi's love life gave him something to amuse himself and keep his thoughts from his less pleasant thoughts.

Walking into the exam room, he settled himself on the table and stared at the framed picture on the wall. It was an enlarged photograph of a love beach sunset. The reds and purples seemed to stretch out forever in the distance and merged almost seamlessly with the horizon so that it became difficult to determine when heaven ended and the earth began. That was a scene he would like to see with his own eyes instead of in a picture or on television. There was so much that he still wanted to do if he could come to terms with the feelings that came along with the new heart in his chest.

"Good afternoon, Naruto."

Naruto blinked and turned to where Itachi stood in the doorway, looking amused. "What?"

"Oh, just thinking how good you look compared to three weeks ago."

"Yeah, well if you're nosing about for a bit of groveling in thanks at your feet, you're going to be waiting a long time."

A chuckle rumbled from Itachi's chest as he approached. It had been over a week since he had last seen the man and he found himself missing their dialogue in the time. For a while, he had seen Itachi daily and even when he was at death's door, there was still enough fight left in him to maintain their witty exchanges.

"Well, at least I know I have the pleasure of having touched a part of you that Sasuke never will."

Naruto wrinkled his nose and punched him hard in the shoulder. "Geez, stop being a pervert."

"What? It's true that I've touched your heart, granted it was physically, but still, Sasuke will never have that particular pleasure."

"You're a weird bastard."

"So you tell me quite regularly." Itachi grabbed a blood pressure cuff from the table and proceeded to take his bp and pulse with practiced ease. Why he didn't let Hinata handle the more mundane tasks as so many other doctors did was beyond Naruto. He suspected that he was special because of who he was and his relationship with Sasuke. Itachi had grown to be quite protective of him in recent years, treating him much like a second brother rather than simply as a patient.

Throwing down a file with Naruto's name printed neatly on the tab, he began jotting in the vitals. "Your vitals are good and I imagine after you've had a chance to fully heal and become active again, they will only improve."

"Glad to see it doesn't take much to make you happy."

Itachi glared at him over the rim of his reading glasses. "You're certainly chipper today."

"No more than usual."

"Care to enlighten me?"

Naruto shook his head. "I just feel weird being alive."

"How so?"

"I can't help but think that I should have died waiting for a heart and now here I am."

"That's common considering you very nearly did. There are standards that dictate when a patient is too sick to risk losing the organ they would receive by transplanting it and they are passed over for someone deemed capable of surviving. That is a point when my colleagues would believe that putting in a heart would not save you regardless of if you would reject it or not, but I refused to believe you could ever reach that point. You had a reason to fight."

Naruto stared at Itachi, seeing the emotion in his eyes. It was something he very rarely showed and he swallowed thickly. "Had I reached that point?"

Itachi blinked, his face going as blank and unreadable as a piece of paper. "Sometimes a man has to take a risk for the ones he loves."

A sudden chill went through Naruto and his eyes widened. Itachi wouldn't have faked vitals just to keep him on the list. It was simply something he would never do. The man was as straight a shooter as they came when it dealt with his profession and patients. It was why no one blinked an eye when he took over his case despite the relationship between him and Sasuke.

"Itachi..."

Itachi shook his head. "I won't speak of this again. What I may have done doesn't matter because you survived and are thriving with your new heart. No harm was done. You received the heart that was meant for you."

Naruto stared blankly at him, all thought seeming to drift from his mind except for the blaring words. Itachi had lied on medical documentation in order to keep Naruto from being passed over for the next available heart. It might not seem so bad when considering that he had not died on the operating table and so far had not rejected his heart; but for Itachi to do such a thing without qualm, he had to have been very desperate at the time.

"Did you do the right thing? Someone could have been saved because of this heart."

Itachi rolled his eyes and placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Someone was."

The words were not a relief considering the remorse he was feeling. If anything, they only made it compound on itself. Someone else, someone more worthy could have lived with this heart and still he got it because his doctor lied about his vitals to keep him in UNOS's database.

"Naruto, I don't regret what I did because I knew you could survive."

"But what if I hadn't? You would have wasted a heart."

"I don't deal in what ifs. I deal in what I know and I knew the moment that your vitals started dropping that you needed a heart and I refused to lose either of you." Itachi's hand tightened on his shoulder. "You're not angry with me, are you? I consider you as much my brother as Sasuke. I would do anything for you."

"Is that something a doctor should say?"

"Absolutely," answered Itachi firmly.

"I can't deny that I am happy that I have a healthy heart, but weren't you worried that I would die?"

"Like any doctor, I took a gamble and it paid off. Now, take off your shirt."

"Still trying to get me naked?"

Itachi snorted. "Just do it unless you want to keep those staples in permanently."

Naruto snapped his lips closed and tugged the loose t-shirt over his head. The pale of the bandage was bright against the natural tan of his skin. He probably could have stopped wearing the thing days ago, but took any barrier he could get. The bandage did more than protect the surgical site; it also hid the scar from his view as well as Sasuke. He could no longer stand to have Sasuke even look at the mark and had done everything in his power to hide it from him.

Itachi moved away to wash his hands and pull on latex gloves while Naruto carefully removed the white bandage. If he were capable of seeing the wound as it was instead of what it represented, he might have seen the healthy pink of healing skin and the natural scabs that had formed to protect the site from dirt and bacteria while it healed. It was healing perfectly, just as the heart in his chest was beating in perfect rhythm.

Itachi pressed his fingers lightly along the scar, testing the healing and nodding to himself. "Does it hurt?"

"Just a little if I put pressure on the bone."

Itachi nodded and took a small handheld tool that looked like a torture device from the table. "Relax. It might sting a little."

Naruto gave a small wince as Itachi pulled the first staple from his chest. As each was removed, a small dot-like scar was left on each side of the incision where the staple had been inserted. The stinging was barely more than an annoyance and was over quickly. The only thought he had was at least he looked less like Frankenstein's monster without the staples.

Staring at the mark, he clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. The rise of bile in his throat was nearly enough to have him running for the nearest restroom. His stomach was in tight knots and his throat so contracted that simply swallowing was becoming a chore.

Itachi dropped the last staple in a tray on the table and counted each one before sitting back with a satisfied look. "That's all of them. Now, all we need to do is wait for your breastbone to heal, which will probably be another couple of weeks. Avoid heavy lifting and anything that could strain the area."

"Have you had any trouble with your heart, chest palpitations, shortness of breath, pain that was not coming from the surgical site?" asked Itachi, his face growing intense.

"Not really, none that would say I have a problem." Naruto laughed bitterly. "I've never felt so good in my entire life, short of being weak as hell."

"Well, that will get better with time."

"Can I eat a hamburger now?"

Itachi arched a brow. "Brand new heart in your chest and you're looking to ruin it already?"

"Shut up, you dick. I've been waiting to eat something good forever. Sasuke's a hard man and won't feed me hardly anything off that damned list you gave him. I'm dying here."

Naruto did his best to look pitiful for Itachi, not that he had any hope in it working. If Sasuke could resist the looks of pleading so easily, doing so would be a walk in the park for Itachi. The bastard had a heart of ice when he wanted to. What better way to take his mind off less pleasant things than with good food. Low sodium food, as good as Sasuke could cook, still tasted bland regardless of the spices.

"Please."

Itachi rolled his eyes, looking crazy similar to Sasuke when he did the same. "Fine, in moderation and I'm going to tell that to Sasuke. Your heart is still healing and you need to make sure you don't overwork it while it finishes doing so. I don't need to tell you that it still means no hot and heavy sex."

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto was almost glad upon hearing that. Sure, he missed sex and his dick didn't mind letting him know that it missed sex too, but sex meant naked and having Sasuke see him naked turned his stomach. Or more precisely, Sasuke seeing his chest naked made him sick. He kept hoping that these feelings would pass, but they remained constant inside him. Even mentioning the things he was feeling to Itachi seemed too difficult to handle. He would continue on the hope that it was natural and they would fade with time.

"Can I go now?"

Itachi nodded and stood with Naruto, pulling him instantly into a hug. It was so uncharacteristic of Itachi that Naruto stood stiff and unmoving throughout the entire duration of the embrace. He was so shocked that he fell back on his old standard. "Should I be worried about you proposing a threesome?"

Itachi pulled back with arched brow and promptly slapped him on the back of his head. "Sasuke was right, you are an idiot."

"Yeah, well, you were the one who was hugging me like I was your long lost lover."

"I was not, and don't go telling Sasuke."

Naruto could not hold back the devious grin that spread across his face. "If you didn't mean it like that, then why are you afraid of me telling Sasuke?"

Itachi shook his head and gave Naruto a shove to the door. "Get out of here and pick up your prescription from Hinata on your way out."

"No more diuretics?"

Giving him a long look, Itachi nodded with a smile. "For now, but if you start retaining fluid, you'll be back on those before you can blink."

"Then, I will do my best not to and to piss at every opportunity."

Itachi followed him out of the exam room and watched as Sasuke rose expectantly from where he sat in one of the plush waiting room chairs. "Before you ask, he's doing perfect, right on the line as far as I can tell."

"Itachi even said I can eat hamburgers now."

"Within moderation," said Itachi and he and Sasuke shared a knowing look that had Naruto visibly scowling. 

He knew what that meant. It meant one hamburger sparingly—maybe once a month if he was lucky. What was the point of having a new heart if he was unable to enjoy it?

"Both of you are asses, I hope you know."

Sasuke chuckled and his face softened as he slide an arm around Naruto's waist. "Come one. I'll take you to lunch and let you order anything off the menu."

"Anything?" Naruto tried not to be swayed by the gentleness in his tone. "Even if it is so full of sodium that it might as well just be a giant bowl of salt."

"Are you planning on ordering that?"

Naruto thought for a second before shaking his head. "No, but I thought I would get my limitations out in the open beforehand."

Itachi smiled almost indulgently at the two, though something whispered on the edge of his expression and an intense look drifted across his gaze before being hidden again. Naruto caught it, but refused to think too much into it. If Itachi had truly thought something was wrong, he would have said something, of that he was certain.

"Just make sure he eats bad only in moderation, Sasuke."

Narut stuck out his tongue, but it was Sasuke who answered. "I will."

"Damn it. Two against one," grumbled Naruto under his breath as Sasuke led him toward the exit while fighting back a smile.

"So, how did it go?"

"Not bad. Everything looked good. He took the staples out, but said not to do anything major and no sex."

Sasuke blew out a breath. "I swear, my brother is the worst cockblocker in this universe. I think he's doing it on purpose."

Naruto rolled his eyes. He was about to come back with a witty retort when Sasuke's phone gave a chime to alert about an incoming text. "Not your publisher again? That shit you write cannot be going off the shelves."

Sasuke shot Naruto a vulgar gesture before pulling out his phone and reading the text. "It's from Itachi."

Naruto arched a brow and trotted over to where Sasuke stood reading through the message. He made a grab for Sasuke's hand and looked down at the screen.

_**Start planning that trip. I think the both of you could use it.** _

"Trip? What trip?"

"Well, I did promise you a trip to the Caribbean, didn't I?"

"I just got out of the hospital and you're planning a trip? Can I finish healing up first?"

Sasuke slapped at Naruto's head. "I didn't say we were leaving tomorrow. It will take a few weeks to iron out the details and I want to make sure you are in complete health for our trip."

"Yeah, in other words, I should start packing, right?"

"Idiot."

Naruto stuck out his tongue and began walking toward the waiting car. He glanced back to see Sasuke texting, likely a response to Itachi. The frown on his lips did not bode well. What was that bastard and his brother plotting?

He glanced down at his chest covered by only a tee-shirt. He could see the scar with his mind even if his eyes couldn't. Now, he hears that Sasuke wants to take him to the beach? He wanted to go so bad. It was the wonderful place that Sasuke described to him while he lay in bed too sick to do much but listen to the sound of his voice and imagine what it would be like to feel the sand beneath his feet and the salty wind on his face. 

Things had not turned out how he had thought they would and it was a fight every day to keep Sasuke from seeing that hint of darkness that grew inside him. Putting on a cheerful smile was so hard.

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke glanced up from his phone. "What?"

"Coming or are you going to continue to sext with Itachi?"

A look of pure horror spread across Sasuke's face and lifted Naruto's spirits with it. If there was ever a way to pull Sasuke's attention away from anything, it was to mention Itachi and sex in the same sentence, or more precisely, Sasuke and Itachi and sex in the same sentence. It used to be one of his favorite past times.

"Don't start that shit with me," growled Sasuke as he shoved his phone into his pocket.

"What shit?"

"You know."

"I don't. You'll have to be more specific."

Sasuke growled and wrenched open the door to Scarlett with more force than was necessary. The poor girl probably felt it and Naruto gave a comforting pat to her hood. "Sorry about that bastard, sweetie."

"God, are you trying to piss me off today? Stop that shit and get in the car."

Naruto bit his lip and slid in beside Sasuke. He was immediately shocked as he was tugged almost roughly over the divide between the seat. Sasuke wasted no time devouring his lips in a rough kiss that bordered on violent. Sasuke had been nothing but gentle with him for nearly the entirety of their relationship. Granted, there were times when the sex got a bit rough, but Sasuke was always careful considering the bum heart between them. This was different though. This was violent and primal. It forced his heart to beat fast and loud in his ears. He was almost prepared for his pacemaker to start kicking in if he still had the thing.

"Sasuke," he gasped as he pulled back.

Sasuke stared at him with wild eyes and swollen lips. His eyes were hooded and a red flush stained his cheeks. He looked so unbelievably sexy, that it took all Naruto's strength not to say fuck it to Itachi's order to leave the sex out of their relationship for a little while longer.

"Damn, Sasuke."

"I'm sorry." Sasuke sat back and leaned his head back against the headrest, his eyes closed and his throat swallowing convulsively.

"Is something wrong?"

Sasuke's eyes fluttered open and he glanced at Naruto. "You know how I feel about you, right?"

"You know I do. I love you. I'd like to think you feel the same."

"I do. You would tell me if something was wrong, I mean, really wrong, right?"

Naruto swallowed. "If something was really wrong, something I couldn't fix by myself; then yeah, I'd tell you."

It felt like a lie even though he did not mean it as such. The words were true, only he thought he could fix whatever was wrong with him without dragging Sasuke into it. His lover, the keeper of his heart, had been through too much already. He did not need anything more pushed on him.

"Sasuke." Naruto reached over and grasped his hand. "If I can't handle something, I will tell you. Whatever Itachi said to you, don't believe it."

"He didn't tell me anything, just that we could both use a break from life."

"Then, what's the matter?"

Sasuke shook his head. "I just don't believe that everything can work out perfectly."

With a shaking hand, Naruto drew Sasuke's head close and pressed their brows together. "We'll figure things out. You should do what Itachi told you and plan that trip, but seriously, give me a little while to finish healing and then get some stamina back. I don't want to go to the beach and then be too tired to do anything but lay in bed all day. Even if you were in bed with me, if I go to the Caribbean, I want to be physically able to enjoy it."

"Me too."

"So, we'll go to the beach in a few weeks?"

Sasuke nodded. "Yeah."

Naruto relaxed and pressed his face into Sasuke's neck, breathing in the scent of his cologne. At least now Sasuke would have something to focus on, giving Naruto a chance to work through his emotions. He didn't like the thought of pushing Sasuke away, and this would be the perfect chance for him to have the space to figure out what his problem was. Or, so he hoped.


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto hovered on that plane between the abyss of sleep and full cognizant wakefulness. It was where he was most at peace. He was not trapped in nightmares, nor was he fully awake to realize the truth of his life and what it had become. Peace alone was in that perfect moment and he struggled desperately to maintain it despite the pull to otherwise.

A warm hand stroked tenderly over the bony protuberance of his hipbone and he sank backward against the body pressed tightly against the flat of his back. The hand teased the sensitive skin just inside the slope of his hip before gliding up and over the flat expanse of his stomach. A barely there giggle rippled from him and he squirmed against the body.

His giggles turned into sighs of pleasure as the searching hand rubbed slow circles around his naval. The natural route of things determined that his response be immediate. His hips ground back and a satisfied rumble rolled from his chest upon feeling the pressing hardness cradled against the rise of his ass. His own body rose to life in response to the touching and complete peace of the moment he was trapped in. It was almost like a dream.

But, like all dreams, such things were quickly dispelled by the light of day, or in his case, the touch of a hand sliding beneath his shirt and up to the scar that bisected his breastbone. Blue eyes shot open and whatever arousal that burned through his bloodstream was lost in the flood of adrenaline that replaced it. Nausea rose thick in the back of his throat with enough potency to cause his nose to burn with the threat.

"Stop," he gasped out and rolled from the bed in a surprisingly smooth motion considering that sleep still held at least a small bit of his mind in its grasp.

"Naruto?"

"Itachi said no funny business until he gives the okay, so we're going to wait. I don't want to screw things up right before I'm in the clear."

Sasuke pushed mussed hair from his eyes and stared at Naruto with a look of resigned acknowledgement. Naruto felt bad for denying him relief. He'd had nothing but his hand for months. That can't feel good considering that he had a warm and nearly healthy lover sleeping pressed tight against him every night.

He just couldn't stand the thought of Sasuke suffering even a little. He still hadn't figured out how he was going to keep Sasuke from looking at the scar on his chest without being obvious about it. Eventually, he would start to wonder what was going on. He figured he would cross that bridge when he reached it. For now, he would do something to help the love of his life find relief from what was likely a painful erection.

"You need some help with that?"

Sasuke's eyes widened faintly and his lips parted. There was no hiding the way his breathing hitched before increasing and the pulse at the base of his throat began to thrum a little more frantically. A faint flush started on his cheeks, darkening with every passing moment. Sasuke was a damn sexy man when he was turned on.

"What about Itachi?"

"Itachi didn't say I couldn't help you out."

Naruto plastered a grin on his face and slid back into bed, fully satisfied with controlling the moment. His hand slid with practiced ease into Sasuke's pajama bottoms and cupped the organ he found. The heat from Sasuke felt as if it was burning a hole through his hand. Sasuke's gasp did little to stop his heart from picking up a beat. He figured as long as he didn't get too excited, he would be able to handle bringing Sasuke off without overworking the new organ in his chest. He was healed enough for that, at least.

Leaning down, he brushed his lips against Sasuke's mouth, tongue darting out to stroke and tease the damp flesh before slipping inside with knowing skill. His hand began an easy rhythm, alternating between pumping and squeezing, just how he knew Sasuke's liked it. It wasn't as great as sex, but he decided that it would be better than Sasuke taking care of the problem alone. Even if it was only a hand job, the intimacy was there all the same.

The moments drifted together, passing in an easy hum as he slowly brought Sasuke to his finish. He was putty in his hands and Naruto savored every moment, forgetting everything but Sasuke and his obvious pleasure at what was being done to him. The orgasm came on as expected and rippled through the body beneath him and into his own to create a delightful heat in groin.

Sasuke heaved a sigh as he went limp on the bed. His dark eyes became hooded with pleasure and his lips parted to pant ever so faintly as he basked in the moment. If Sasuke aroused had been sexy, post-orgasmic Sasuke was even more so.

Naruto extracted his hand and looked at the mess on his palm with amusement. It was just a hand job, but from the way Sasuke was laying on the bed with a completely sated look on his face, he very well might have just finished a wild session of passionate sex.

"Feel good?"

Sasuke released a satisfied hum and closed his eyes, not noticing that the inside of his pajamas were messed with his emissions or just not caring enough to bother removing them immediately. His eyes remained hooded and followed Naruto lazily as he reached for a tissue from the bedside table and wiped at the smeared fluid on his hand.

"To hell with the way to a man's heart being food, sex is obviously the way to yours."

Sasuke snorted and rolled onto his side, pulling Naruto against him. His face burrowed into Naruto's chest and his hand drifted down to the obvious tent in his boxers. "Want me to help?"

"I think I'm good. It's best not to strain my heart until we get the okay from Itachi. Nothing a shower and a piss won't take care of." Naruto leaned down to nuzzle Sasuke's face before rising from the bed and making his way into the bathroom. 

It was a harsh debate about whether or not to jump in the shower knowing Sasuke would be quick to follow him. In the end, the call was too much to keep him away. He only hoped to finish or mostly finish before he decided to come in. There was no way him locking Sasuke out of the bathroom would fly for even a moment. When he heard the telephone ring just as he turned the taps, he breathed a sigh of relief. It didn't matter who was calling, they would keep Sasuke busy enough for him to wash quickly and dress before he was joined.

Arranging the temperature at the cool side of comfortable, he allowed the water to do its job and ease away the lingering arousal that arose upon watching Sasuke's pleasure. He did not dare tell Sasuke that he had received the green light for light sex from Itachi just two weeks ago after a quick house call check-up while Sasuke was meeting with his publisher. He wanted to, his body needed that intimacy that sex helped bring into being, but he simply could not bear the thought of Sasuke looking on his chest and seeing the mark that reminded him of what had happened in order for him to live. 

Just living each day proved so unbelievably difficult while knowing that someone had died and his heart given to him. People who knew him greeted him and hugged him and praised God for his survival, but they never mentioned the life that had ended so he could live. It was enough to make him sick to his stomach. Even Sasuke rarely broached the topic without cause. On some level, he understood just how uncomfortable it made Naruto and did his best to keep from referring to it.

His hand reached for the body wash and he smiled. Sasuke could be an asshole bastard, but it was the little things he did that made Naruto love him all the more deeply.

With that thought in mind, he made quick work of lathering and rinsing his body. He did not dare look at his chest. Looking at the mark was nearly as bad as others seeing it. Practically being able to read their thoughts by the expressions on their faces was enough to bring about a flush of nausea in him to the point he became physically weak. Bathing became more a chore than a pleasure.

He was finishing up drying his body and had just tugged a clean shirt over his still damp body when Sasuke walked into the bathroom. "Who was on the phone?"

"The travel agent I have arranging our tickets and hotel."

"Oh? Don't tell me we can't go?"

"We're going. In two weeks, we'll be at the beach even if I have to charter a plane to fly us down there."

"And here I thought it was just me that was looking forward to it." Naruto chuckled and stepped forward to hug Sasuke. "I don't know why you are so good to me."

"I don't know either."

"Hey!"

Sasuke chuckled and wrapped his arms around Naruto. "Now, we just need Itachi to sign off on the trip."

"I don't think that will be a problem. He's been slipping comments about it to me for weeks. I think if we didn't go, he would put us on a plane himself."

Sasuke snorted and began stripping his soiled pajamas, tossing them in the clothing hamper as he walked to the shower. "Care to join me?"

"I just got dry," pouted Naruto.

"So?"

With an exaggerated roll of his eyes, Naruto tossed wave to Sasuke. "I'll go start breakfast."

"No bacon," he called.

"What?" Naruto scowled and folded his arms across his chest. "I like bacon at breakfast."

"No bacon," yelled Sasuke over the spray of water. "I mean it."

Naruto stuck out his tongue at Sasuke before walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge. The insides were sparse, neither having the will to go shopping during the last week. Half a gallon of milk, three eggs, and a few Ensure drinks along with various condiments were all that remained inside. It would be either cold cereal or ketchup for breakfast.

Cereal did not appeal to him, so he grabbed a pad from the counter and scribbled out a note for Sasuke before grabbing his wallet and heading out the door. Sasuke would be pissed that he left with only a note, but hell, chances were that Sasuke would still be primping in the bathroom by the time he returned with some food. His lover, smart man that he was, took forever in the bathroom. The showers alone tended to be long and leisurely, but it was the styling of his hair that seemed to last forever. Naruto doubted even women took as long to get ready as his lover.

He thanked the powers that be for the natural messy look that he sported. No amount of primping could make sense of his messy blond hair. He toweled it dry and let it ride, occasionally working in some mousse to add a false styled messy look when he and Sasuke went out. Even that look did not look all that much different from the way he normally wore it.

Stepping into the elevator, he gave a rueful smile. The last few weeks had been rough as he worked to build back his stamina. He wouldn't be running any marathons for a while, but at least he could walk down to the local bakery without too much trouble. Standing in line was an annoyance, but seeing as the sweets found there were the best in the town, he figured it was worth it.

As he walked back to the apartment, his arms were loaded down with several bags of bagels and cream cheese, some fresh Danish of various flavors, and the absolutely best cherry strudel anywhere in the city. He could already see Sasuke's annoyed features in his mind and grinned with delight. He felt almost himself again and wondered if he was finally reaching that point of where he would begin to heal emotionally as well as physically.

"Naruto!"

He barely had time to register his name being called before arms wrapped around him and forced him to do some fast juggling to keep his goodies from being smashed against his chest. It took only a moment before he recognized the wild blond hair and rather strong, yet soft body. When it did, his free arm wrapped around her and happiness flowed through him.

"Temari?"

The woman pulled back with a tearful grin. "I've missed you."

"I can tell. Fancy meeting you here...in the lobby of my apartment building."

The woman snorted and shrugged. "Stop being a shit. I was coming to see you, but when I saw you come in the building, all my restraint evaporated. I couldn't control myself. You're like a little brother to me. When you were in the hospital, I was so scared I would lose you while you."

The words 'like Gaara' were omitted from the statement, but were quite visible to both of them. Naruto hadn't known Gaara other than as the reason she started up the suicide help line. There was a picture of her with both her brothers on her desk and it was well known that her dead brother was the inspiration for the work she did. That was all he knew about the brother who committed suicide and rocked their family to the core.

"It's been a while. I got your flowers. I figured I'd see you before now, though."

She sighed. "Work has really started picking up. We received a grant and have had to hire and train dozens of volunteers. I've been working eighteen hour days for weeks now. I was lucky to have the time to even send you flowers when you were in the hospital. Sasuke was nice enough to call and let me know a heart came and that you went through the surgery."

"I'm glad things are growing. We've needed more people for a long time."

Temari smiled and wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulders. "You know your job is still yours when you feel up to it. I've missed my best volunteer. You have a real talent for talking people down from dangerous situations."

Naruto smiled and shifted his gaze away from her. How could he tell her that working with people on the razor's edge was not something he thought he should do considering his own emotional problems? "Maybe after I completely heal I'll give you a call."

She looked on him; eyes that had learned to see behind hidden truths stared into him and for a moment, he worried that she might ferret out the truth of his worries. "You know, you don't have to be strong."

"Huh?"

"Gaara hid his pain from us and we chose to ignore the small bits that escaped. You might think you're protecting people, but it only hurts them in the end."

Naruto swallowed around the lump in his throat. "Temari..."

"I'm not going to pry, because it's something you have to do yourself, but just remember if you need someone to talk to, you have my number."

"Are you telling me to call the helpline?" he half-joked.

She released a small snort and patted his head. "I'm telling you that if you need someone who will listen, call me. I learned how to do that after it was too late."

"You don't have to worry." Naruto leaned his head on her shoulder and sighed. "Now, would you like to come up and eat pastries with me and Sasuke?"

She shook her head and pulled away. "I only stopped by on my way to work; besides, eating all that will make me fat."

Naruto took in her body, hard muscles created from time in a gym and a tall, strong build. There was not an ounce of fat on her. He doubted fifty Danish would fatten her up, but let her go with a final hug and wave. She was a good friend. He thought about her offer and how she had seen through him almost instantly. In some ways, he supposed her tragic relationship with her brother had opened her eyes to look beneath what was obvious and into the real truth. It gave him some things to think of.

His emotional turmoil was reaching a head. It felt like he was lying to Sasuke with every word that passed his lips. Each half-truth compounded on one another until he was having difficulty seeing the end of the tunnel.

Shaking away his morose thoughts, he pushed open the door to the apartment and saw an annoyed Sasuke standing there in wait. "Why did you leave without me?"

Anger flared inside him at the words. "I didn't know I needed your permission."

Sasuke held up Naruto's phone which had been left on the bedside table when he left. "You could have at least taken your phone?"

"I walked down the block to the bakery. I didn't think I'd need it."

"That's just it, you don't think." Sasuke flung the phone onto the sofa. "What if something had happened? You wouldn't have had any way to call for help."

Naruto shook his head and stalked past Sasuke into the kitchen. "Well, excuse me for thinking some nice person on the sidewalk would stop to call help for me. It's not like I was walking a deserted road at night."

Slamming the bags of sweets on the table, he turned to face his lover. "Fuck, Sasuke. I'm not a child. The heart is fucking fine...I am fucking fine. You don't have to treat me like an invalid anymore...or maybe that's what you want. Maybe you liked it while I was dying. You liked taking care of me and now that I'm getting better, you're losing your sick little lover."

He was sure he had never seen Sasuke that angry. When Sasuke got angry, really angry, he became quiet—very much unlike Naruto who became louder. The Sasuke standing before him was unmoving and silent. The only true sign of his anger was the way his jaw jumped with the effort to keep himself in check.

Naruto never thought for a moment that Sasuke would strike him, but when Sasuke got like this, it was almost scary. His heart stuttered in his chest and while he regretted the words spoken in frustration, he could not say they were complete fabrications. They were one of many thoughts that seemed to rise inside him lately. The validity of them seemed farfetched and yet, they still rose to the surface.

"Is that what you think?"

Naruto started at Sasuke's words. His heart trembled and as he stared into his eyes, he could see the anger was fading, leaving only hurt. With a sigh, he shook his head. Sasuke loved him for him, not because he was healthy or sick. He knew this with every fiber in his being.

"Then, why did you say them?"

Naruto stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's chest, burying his face in the warmth of his shoulder. "I don't know. I was so angry."

"Why?"

"Because, you act like I can't do anything myself when we both know I can. I wasn't even tired from walking down the street. The reason I took so long was because I ran into Temari and we talked for a few minutes before she went to work. I'm sorry that you were worried."

"I'm just scared of losing you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

He felt Sasuke sigh followed by the soothing touch of arms wrapping around him. "I'm having a hard time realizing that."

Pulling back, he stared up at Sasuke's face and attempted a grin. He was at least half successful at the attempt. "Sasuke Uchiha is having trouble with something? Will wonders never cease?"

"Shut up. I've had nothing, but trouble since the day I met you."

Naruto snickered and pressed his head back to Sasuke's shoulder. "Is that what they call it?"

"That is exactly what I call it."

Closing his eyes, he sighed against the spot where Sasuke's neck met his shoulder. "Sometimes, I wonder how we ever got together."

"I seem to recall we got together because I saw you as you landed on your ass while being literally thrown out of my brother's office."

Naruto's lips quirked and he snickered again. "Not my most graceful moment."

"Look on the bright side. It caught my attention."

A thought occurred to him at Sasuke's words. "Did it?"

"You looked so put out. It was almost cute. It's not every day that one sees someone being tossed out of a building by beefy security guards."

He was silent for a moment. "Sasuke, would you have noticed me if I hadn't made such a spectacle?"

"Oh, I'm certain. Hair as bright as yours doesn't come by often."

"I'm serious. If I had just walked calmly from that building the day we met, would you have even given me a second look or stopped me so we could talk and then have lunch and then go on dates? Would we be together right now if I had just walked past you?"

Sasuke pulled Naruto's head from his shoulders and pressed their lips together. Their teeth clashed and their tongues slid together in a familiar dance. As they pulled apart, gazes met.

"Don't think about what could have been. The only thing that matters is what we have now. That's all I care about. I met you. I'm with you now, flaws and all."

Naruto smiled, though his heart ached. "I guess."

Sasuke arched a brow. "Besides, knowing you, you would have fucked up somehow and drawn my attention even if things had not gone the way they did."

"You're an asshole, you know that, right?"

"And yet, you stay with me. What does that make you?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Don't say it."

"Don't say what?"

"What you're thinking."

"What? Oh, you mean the 'i' word?"

"Like I said, an asshole." Naruto plopped down into a chair and pulled out the box of cherry strudel. "Now, I'm pissed that I actually got you some bagels. I should make you eat Danish."

Sasuke smiled and pulled open the bag of bagels. "And, I should beat you for getting sugary food like that."

"Yeah, bite me."

Leaning forward with a smirk on his face, Sasuke pressed his lips to Naruto's ear. "As soon as Itachi gives me the okay, you bet your ass I'll be biting you. I plan on devouring every inch of you the first chance I get."

Heat rushed through Naruto and he groaned around the mouthful of pastry. "You're a cruel, cruel man."

"So you say." Sasuke began spreading cream cheese over the bagel. "But, you love me anyway."

"Sometimes I wonder."

It was moments like these that kept him going during the bad times. They were so simple and yet complicated in their own right. He could not hold back the whisper of doubt and fear that wormed its way through him. Would he ever be able to overcome the feelings of guilt and self-hatred? It hurt so much, but to save Sasuke from being forced to deal with it, he held it in, dreading and praying for the day when he was forced to come clean about his feelings.

"It's a new start for us, Naruto."

"What is?"

"The trip. We get a second chance and that is the first sign of actually taking it."

"A second chance?" he whispered. Dare he hope that it would be so easy? Could he so easily wipe away the emotions eating away at him?

"Make sure you clear everything with Itachi. I know he said he wanted to do a final series of blood work on you before letting us go off. I'm going to finalize our plans. Maybe if we have a chance while we're down there, I can introduce you to a longtime friend of the family."

Sasuke stood and threw away his trash before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Naruto's head. Naruto watched as he left him in the kitchen to his thoughts. Itachi had told him that they could have sex and yet, he refused to step through that gate. He needed more time to come to terms with his life. Sasuke deserved for him to be whole, not just physically, but also emotionally. 

He had two weeks. He could do it for Sasuke. He could overcome this for Sasuke. He would overcome it. Like Sasuke said, it was a new beginning and maybe there might be a chance for happiness for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, this leads directly into the next part in this universe titled Complete Recovery, so the ending isn't really the ending. Thank you those who commented or gave kudos. They really give inspiration.


End file.
